Rewind to 1997 and live a day in my life. I was greatly misunderstood and had the social life of a rat. I was typically the quiet one in class with nothing useful to say. Topics of the day were dryer than the Nevada Desert. As an antidote to my half-baked life, my headphones went on and listened to Electronic music. Using a 14.4k modem and a BBS, I downloaded music for hours. My hunger for music never ceased; the opposite had occurred.
My search for the next rave had already begun. Since I had no car, I was looking for something nearby. A search on Ravelinks turned up a party located in Los Angeles, at the Proud Bird (only 5 mins away from LAX). The party was called Happy Go Lucky, and it drew several thousand people. I wanted to crawl out of my black hole for once in my life. Going to a rave would be the ultimate place (I thought) to do such a thing. I did not distinguish between the forms of electronic music back then. All I knew was there would be a massive speaker rack with DJs spinning the very music Id been listening to for years.
The Rave: First Experience
Up until the night of Happy Go Lucky, I had always remained
at home. Id never been out in my life
not even to
a club, or a friends house because I had no friends. The
butterflies hit my stomach around 4 oclock the day of the
event. I almost couldnt take it, but somehow I made it
through. Dressed like a sore thumb, I could not relate to anyone,
except the music. I appeared to be an over-aged
gothic that had no business of attending a rave. What hampered
my ability to meet new people was that I was operating out of
fear the whole night. Fear of acceptance and fear of rejection
were racing through my mind as question after question about
When I got home, I felt horrible. My life was between two worlds: My pissed off life, and a life of Peace, Love, Unity, and Respect. It would take six weeks before I could understand what happened to me during that night. I didnt know what genre of music I enjoyed the best. I was in the Hardcore room all night during Happy Go Lucky. It was the room I could relate to the most.
Raving: Putting My Life Back Together
Six weeks had gone by before I attempted a rave again. I had
gotten a flyer for Together as One and noted it was at the LA
Coliseum and Sports Arena. I mapped out a bus route from my house
to the venue, and I even tested it two weeks prior to the event.
Once all the bugs were worked out, I bought my ticket from Ticketmaster.
I made three Candy bracelets for people who really took their
time and got to know me. I saw those people at Together as One,
and gave the bracelets away.
Taking a look back at my life as it stood, I took action to
stop whatever it was that was bugging the heck out of me. I bounced
from room to room for two hours after security wished me Happy
New Year. I heard all the different types of music, yet
I found that I still related to Hardcore. Bouncing off the racks
expended the anger and energy I had pent up over time. I had
to let go somehow.
Midnight was around the corner as I made a pre meet-up
in the Hardcore room. We whisked our way to the Coliseum at 11:00pm.
I chilled at the back of the House room with the others until
everyone else came. Like a train, our hands were meshed in each
others as we made our way closer to the front stage where none
other than Donald Glaude was there, rocking the crowd.
The Rave: A Growing Experience
Waiting for the bus at 7:00am after Together as One caused
me to think. My ears were still ringing from all that bass while
listening to Trance three blocks away. Suddenly, an important
question came to mind. Why Rave? Then words such as Music,
People, Vibe, and others started to flood
my mind. I began to write about my rave experience in poetry,
as that was all I could do. I still was unable to communicate
my feelings with others, because they were very deep and personal.
At Audiotistic 2001, I learned more about myself in one night, than all nights put together. Dancing on the racks allowed me to break free of the gothic phase of my life. At some point, I came to the conclusion of why bother? No one else was viewing the world in a dark and pissed off manner, why should I?