"They're coming to get us!!"
yo! That's a fire truck, what - you think they're going to hose
us down or some shit!"
Off roading out of the How Weird It Was parking
lot to avoid the 3 hour traffic jam my friend, who we will call
Moe K. Tadrive, sketches at the sound of sirens. I am half way
in the car when he decides that the Poe are after us. I look
into his pupils and they are the size of pin heads seven hours
after taking four hits. I guess he was kinda sober, but whatever.
In the back seat of the car we are trying to figure
out why "How Sweet It Is" was so weird. It was
a good party, and a good time, but the defining characteristic
was its weirdness. The vibe at the party was lacking, which made
How Sweet It Is seem more like an exact replica of a rave than
a rave itself. For all of you who feel the same way, I will explain
exactly what caused the weirdness. It was too damn bright. the
whole party was lit up like a supermarket, exactly the opposite
of what you expect at a rave. But that has nothing to do with
what was going on in the car on the way home...
Lets me set the scene for you. There is one still-kinda-frying
driver having trouble communicating, two still-kinda-rolling
housecats in the back seat sharing a set of house pumping headphones,
pointing in unison with tounges fully extended straight down,
one full-of-hate Junglist chic that hates crackheads who take
drugs, and one sober but tired as hell Russian trying to sleep
on my shoulder by using a Jive Moto sweatshirt as a pillow.
All jammed into a dirt colored and dirt covered 88 Honda Accord
with a muffler that has just got to fall off one of these days,
littered with flyers from parties such as Jujubeats and Nation,
water bottles of various fullnes, and very dirty but still yummie
green chiclets (yes i ate one, yes i am a dirty raver, yes i
will drink an opened bottle of water found on the ground and
if is full of acid, then so what?) Of course it is windy because
Moe put his window down to smoke a cigarette, and the window
does not go back up unless you pull over and push it up from
the outside while pressing the window up button. The Russian
moans "why don't you use the sunroof?"
"Because, God Damn it... (I don't remeber what Moe said,
but it did not make a lot of sence).
Also in the car are the contents of some party kid's wallet that
I found on the ground in the HWIW parking lot, which will be
mailed back to her as soon as I scan it in for this article.
Also in the car are packs of cigarettes that one of the House
Cats took from the trash at the entrance to the party. Some of
those cigarettes are being smoked when at that very moment when
the other House Cat gets hell from Moe about wearing Cande that
Nicole gave him.
"You are still wearing that Cande Shit?"
"Nicole gave me
this, it says 'I Love Nicole,'
why wouldn't I wear it?"
"I would throw it away or put in my pocket or something,
but I wouldn't wear it."
"Well, that is why
I got the Cande you didn't,
you grumpy bastard!"
"Well good, cause I wouldn't want that shit."
"Well, it does not
matter if you do or not,
cause you are not gonna get it"
Also in the car is a craque sac, but I did not know that until
I offered Lila a dollar for a craque sack. I did not have anything
to put in it, but I once said that Lila always has a craque sack
on her, so I just had to see if it was actually true. It was.
God Damn trick got my dollar!
But before we have time to get into THAT, we blow by a cop!
We are in the fast lane of 15 South doing 90 according to Moe's
speedometer. Moe says Home Boy is right behind us.
"Oh shit! Wake
up the Russian!!"
"Put your seat belts on!!!
Were getting rolled!!!"
"Shit, get in
the slow lane!!!
Then we realize that 90 on Moe's Speedometer is really only
about 65 (his car can't even go 90) so everything is chill.
"So what did you mean
by Home boy is right behind us?"
"I meant that truck."
"How the hell is
that Home Boy? Home Boy means the Poe!!"
Like I said, someone was having trouble communicating.