My cat has been missing for going on twelve hours. This is now the cherry on top of my sadness and just the motivation I've needed to write.
I am barely making enough money to support myself especially when my roommate hasn't paid for rent or bills in two months. My small Costa Mesa apartment feels like it's closing in on me. I need to escape; I need the time that is ticking my life away to STOP. I need to feel that vibe, the one that tells me itll all be okay and that theres a bigger world and more important things.
I've lived in Southern California for a little over a year and a half, and two weeks ago I went back home to Chicago. There I spent time with my old friends, most of who have graduated from college and are starting their careers. They are talking about families and settling for jobs, and I'm talking about following dreams and seeing the world. They go to the bars and drink to forget about their unfulfilling lives. They wouldnt understand the life I live here so I keep quiet. I wish I could share with them the feeling and the vibe, the stopping of time for one whole night into the morning, where hundreds to thousands of people of all ages can experience immunity from real life.
Immunity from real life. That sounds unhealthy and I suppose it could be if done too much, just like anything else. But for me, I need it. I need that little break. I need to meet happy ravers with positive vibes. Whether they are on E or sober, I dont care, they made it to the party and they are sharing that night with me. Whatever they do in their lives, kids or adults, for that one night they are dancing or sitting on that same floor with my friends and me. No one is thinking about their problems, they just want to listen to the music, be alive, share the vibe.
The music of the night bumps and pumps the blood through my heart and its all I can do to keep myself from becoming overwhelmed. Its a feeling that I couldnt possibly explain to even my best friends back home. I know the controversy rages on about mainstream vs. underground, but I have to thank the mainstream massives and growing popularity of raves because if they were still underground here, as they mainly still are in Chicago, I never would have known what it was like to rave and felt that feeling of time stopping. The everything will turn out okay attitude wouldnt even be in my head.
As I watch anxiously out the window for my best feline friend, I wipe the tears out of my eyes and call on that good vibe, the lesson I learned from many nights shared. I'm sure he'll be back soon.
Epilogue: oddly enough, Trifin found my cat a couple blocks away AND my roommate's dad sent her $1000$ - $900 of which I get - CRAZY huh? All because I felt the good vibe and wrote something for the magazine.